Sorry, there might or might not be a short hiatus on the blog.
On June 27th, I became a dad.
She’s healthy and beautiful. Sorry for sparing the details, feel free to email me or otherwise to find out more.
Right now I’m preoccupied starring at my beautiful little baby.
If nobody else noticed, this is the third Sunday in a row that I’ll be posting about baby, with no baby in sight. It’s been a good full two weeks since I had full expected the baby to arrive. I don’t know why we were so set on this idea that the baby would come a few days early (maybe cause all the women on her side were early…). Anyways, like many other first babies, ours is still hanging out and getting a few more days of peace before entering this crazy world.
If anything I’ve learned, or have tried in vain to learn, patience. Recently, though she isn’t even 0 days old yet, I’ve felt like scolding her. How do you explain to your in utero baby that she’s really hurting her mommy’s feeling by not coming out when she was expected (she’s hurting her back, ankles, and hips too, but will stick with the emotions). I guess that’s where this idea that patience is really all you’ve got to go on, or develop, or learn to desire. I can’t scold my baby, she doesn’t know any better, and it’s not like she’s really in charge of this whole labor and birth thing anyways. So, what do I do? I love her. I patiently wait for her.
Here’s the crazy thing though. This little love is patient lesson is going to disappear pretty quick, if I’m not careful. Cause pretty soon she’ll be two and I’ll be waiting for her to put her shoes on (which she’ll insist on doing herself) to go to the park, and patience will go right out the window, along with love, if I’m not careful. If’ I’m careful though, I’ll remember I don’t need to be in a big rush anyways. If we are going to the park, the swings will wait. If we are going to Grandma’s the food can be warmed up, and if we were heading to a board meeting, we’ll it’s about time we start loving our kids more then the corporate execs.
Love is patient. It’s easy to be patient with a baby who you don’t put any responsibility on and who isn’t capable or in control of her actions. It’s going to be hard when I can blame her, argue that she’s capable of respecting other people’s time, and insist that it’s her choice and her actions. Don’t throw love out the window then.
So, without baby around it’s time to actually start putting this into practice. I, and you, need to be practicing patient love with the people in our lives. Regardless of how independent and capable the adults around you are, they need to be loved. Be patient with them, gentle, kind. Remember that they too, were once a cute little baby (some of which were one and two weeks late entering the world) and they could use a little loving patience now, as much as they did then.
Getting a little bit tired of this.
Task: Convey Our Values about Stuff and Kids
Details: Construct a five line paragraph that politely and succinctly conveys Our values as it relates to “things” in an appropriate format to accompany baby shower invites, birth announcements, etc.
Deadline: Februaryish
Necessary Resources: Readers, particularly the motherly kind or folks who attend lot’s of baby showers, basically people with some experience to tell me if what I write will fly or not.
Reference Material: You might recall my first attempt at explaining my values. It’s obviously a little to long, and maybe to in your face.
Rough Draft #1:
Ariah and Mindy have made it a goal in their lives to “live simply.” One way they have carried this out in their lives has been to only take what they can fit in their car each time they’ve moved (3+ times and counting!). Please respect Ariah and Mindy and the values they hold when considering a gift. They are open to suggestions, but please don’t purchase anything for them outside of what they have registered for (they have already received a number of items). Thanks for showing love to the quirky Fine’s we’ve all grown to love for just those reasons!
I want others to respect my values and morals and to respect how I raise my children as a parent. There are parent’s out there that have warped values and child-rearing practices, and that often demands the intervention of a community and sometimes the law, but most of the time we respect different parenting practices. So here is a brief insight into my hopes of instilling certain values in my children, and then a brief defense of them.
I want to raise my children valuing the importance of relationship and community. I want them to see giving as far more enjoyable and valuable then receiving (yes even at Christmas time). I want my children to know, and probably lend me insight, into the paradoxes of Jesus’ teachings. Love your enemies, deny yourself, seek first the kingdom, faith like a child in a kingdom like a mustard seed. I want my kids to know that there are better uses of your time then comatose entertainment; that more toys won’t make you more happy. I want them to know that Christianity and Church is much more about hanging out in the park with the homeless and having banquets for the needy, than it is about singing songs, drawing pictures and eating out on Sunday with people that all look and act the same. I want my kids to know that worship includes planting gardens and giving food, clothes and shelter to others. I want them to know that we bike because it’s fun, and it’s taking good care of this lovely planet God gave us. I want my kids to know the importance of wearing clothes and eating food that was prepared justly and not by a child their age in a sweatshop. I want my kids to know that God will care for their needs, but that it is more important to live simply so that others might simply live. I want my kids to have fun, playing at the park, reading books at the library, going on adventures all over town, building castles out of refrigerator boxes, redeeming others trash into tree forts.
I know, my aspirations are high. I have ideas for how I might begin to instill those values, and I’m flexible with how, but those are values I want to teach them. Most people will agree these are good ends, it’s the means that people are going to have a hard time with. I don’t want to have a TV in the house. I’m not going to buy my children presents on Christmas. We aren’t going to fill our house with toys. We aren’t going to live a lifestyle that matches our income. Our cars, clothes, toys and haircuts might be less trendy then the neighbors. We’re going to live in a neighborhood where everyone doesn’t look the same, and BMW’s and SUV’s don’t line the driveways. And that might mean my bike gets stolen.
Can other’s respect that? Honestly, I think they’re going to have a hard time. Folks might disagree on when their kid’s can see scary movies, but they all think you should get toys on Christmas. They might disagree on smoking in the house, but most folks seem to agree you should get the biggest house you can afford (actually that the bank will loan you).
I definitely think the biggest obstacle to instilling these values in our children will not be the children’s willingness to embrace them, but other adults outright disagreement and disrespect of that set of values (however well meaning they are).
Whether you run by the solar calendar, lunar, or school calendar, it seems like each year often surrounds or is highlighted by a particular event. At the young age that I am, many of those years have been centered primarily around that year in school. More recently though it has been large events like Marriage, AmeriCorps, Graduating College, Moving to Nashville, and Living in Community. Now, as 2007 rolls around our lives are taking a dramatic turn that will forever change us: Mindy and I are having a baby.
I think for many this is not new news, hopefully it is not (if it is, I’m sorry!). I haven’t written much about it on here or elsewhere; I think mostly because the reality of it hasn’t quite set in yet. Well, one way or the other, 2007 is the year of the baby, so I’m starting to embrace it. I’m thrilled beyond belief at the opportunity to be a father.
I’m going to start writing quite a bit more about my thoughts about being a parent, and particularly ideas I have for instilling morals and values in my children. I’m hoping these post will be a lot more interactive as I know there are a number of parent’s who currently read my blog, and I’m really hoping to gain some wisdom from you in this area.
Look forward to more posts about pregnancy, babies and parenting here at Trying to Follow.