I Cry At The Teasing and Bullying Too.

At the risk of jumping in with the media frenzy surrounding the situation at VT, I just wanted to quote a part of the story that terribly saddens me.
From Yahoo News:

Classmates in Virginia, where Cho grew up, said he was teased and picked on, apparently because of shyness and his strange, mumbly way of speaking.

Once, in English class at Westfield High School in Chantilly, Va., when the teacher had the students read aloud, Cho looked down when it was his turn, said Chris Davids, a Virginia Tech senior and high school classmate. After the teacher threatened him with an F for participation, Cho began reading in a strange, deep voice that sounded “like he had something in his mouth,” Davids said.

“The whole class started laughing and pointing and saying, `Go back to China,'” Davids said.

Stephanie Roberts, 22, a classmate of Cho’s at Westfield High, said she never witnessed anyone picking on Cho in high school. But she said friends of hers who went to middle school with him told her they recalled him getting bullied there.

“There were just some people who were really mean to him and they would push him down and laugh at him,” Roberts said. “He didn’t speak English really well and they would really make fun of him.”

A 2002 federal study on common characteristics of school shooters found that 71 percent of them “felt bullied, persecuted or injured by others prior to the attack.”

The report said that “in some of these cases the experience of being bullied seemed to have a significant impact on the attacker and appeared to have been a factor in his decision to mount an attack at the school. In one case, most of the attacker’s schoolmates described the attacker as the kid everyone teased.”

When will we learn that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is a lie? When will we learn that teasing and bullying is as terrible as murder. And before you think I’m making an erroneous stretch of a claim, it wasn’t my original thought.

I long for the day that adults and kids seeing teasing as disturbing as a school shooting. That it becomes something so wrong and inappropriate that schools call off classes to debrief, parent’s leave work to comfort the victims and correct the perpetrators.

I don’t mean in any way to diminish the mourning and heart ache of those involved in the situation at VT, I just think we need to expand those feelings and our attention beyond incidents were people are killed, and move to addressing as well were words, teasing, hatred, and bullying have killed people inside. Where is the love?

19 thoughts on “I Cry At The Teasing and Bullying Too.”

  1. Great post Ariah. I was thinking the exact same thoughts when I saw an article yesterday polling Americans about gun control and gun control laws. Not that those are irrelevant, but there is such a greater issue here that just seems to continually get overlooked in these types of situations.

  2. I have always thought that saying should be changed to sticks and stones may break your bones but words can crush a soul

  3. Bullying is sometimes viewed as a “rite of passage” but anyone who has ever been bullied knows how painful it can be. I believe that this issue is key to understanding this tragedy. Check out my blog – http://mistercontrary.blogspot.com/2007/04/when-monster-breaks-you-cho-seung-hui.html

    It suggests that Cho may have referenced a book on bullying in his video rant and it may even explain his strange use of the “Question Mark” as a name and alter-ego.

  4. Interesting observation today…while working at Fido (Nashville coffeehouse) I noticed three different people wearing Virginia Tech t-shirts. I’ve worked there for three years and I’ve never noticed one before, not that there haven’t been any. Will wearing a Va Tech T become trendy like it was to wear a FDNY T after 9-11? And what is it about humanity that makes this happen? Why don’t we see more people wearing other types of shirts that connect them to tragedy? Like Iraq T-shirts, or Darfur T-shirts (I have seen a couple of those) or T-shirts when a plane crashes and everyone on board dies? Hmmm…lots of questions, any answers?

  5. I’ll tell you this Josh, after 9/11 when we went to war with Afghanistan I made posters and a t-shirt that said “God Bless Afghanistan” and “Pray for Osama Bin Laden.” The posters never lasted more then an hour before someone tore them down, and the t-shirt usually got weird stares and looks. I wouldn’t be surprised if the VT shirts got trendy, in fact, look at what a quick search for “Virginia Tech” brings up on Cafe Press:
    http://www.cafepress.com/buy/virginia%20tech/

  6. thank you on your post. I have read a number of articles on BULLYING playing into the tragedy. We just cannot ignore the long term effects that BULLYING has on an individual person and also an entire community. Some analtsts had suggested that this was just a psychotic thing. wrong is what I say there. BULLYING could’ve started small and built through a number of years. We have to teach kids how to treat one another. I have Cerebral Palsy and personally dealt with the Painful Anguish of BULLYING for 5 years in Public Schools. I know what that feels like, so I now Speak on it. Thanks so much for your original Post– “sticks and stones NEEDS to be looked at more in depth”. Again thanks,
    -Tony Bartoli (anti-Bullying warrior), spokesperson.

  7. I guess the question is why did the killer continue to isolate himself in college. I’ve been to Virginia Tech: VERY welcoming and accepting student body. I find it hard to believe that there was never a group he wanted to be associated with. Reportedly, several students and teachers reached out to him in Blacksburg. His former roommate even talked him into going to a football game, which is a major social event at Tech. How can we help those who don’t want help? How can we befriend someone who doesn’t want friends? How can we repair the damage of bullying, anxiety, and misfortunes?

  8. Thanks everyone for the thoughtful comments.

    John,
    The goal is not to figure out possible solutions for that past situation which we can’t do anything about now, but to look forward.
    Repairing damage is a long and difficult road. Sometimes we need to just sit back and lament our previous mistakes, mourn the outcomes and figure out how to live our lives differently from here on out.

  9. My heart breaks when I see kids get teased too. It’s wrong. Period. No one should have to go through that.

    On the other hand, though, it is also wrong to go on a shooting spree! I don’t care what happened to you in the past (bullying, teasing, whatever). Nothing can justify killing 30 innocent people.

    I desperately don’t want to see society justify what Cho did. It was wrong and horrible and we need to condemn those actions as strongly as we can!

  10. Brian,

    I understand what you’re saying…but I don’t think anyone here is justifying his actions.

    It’s just a matter of getting to the root problems that cause people to believe that violence truly solves anything. We live in a very redemptive- violence- ingrained culture, and sadly we’re seeing the fruits of this mindset reflected in our children.

    If we want these types of tragedies to stop, we HAVE to look at our behaviors and lifestyles and start making some serious changes.

    We can’t just brush him off as some “evil guy” and go on about our lives. He was a human being with a soul, just as precious to God as you or I. Troubled? Of course. Overtaken by the evil within him that day? Certainly. Made a horrible tragic decision that affected the lives of many? A big yes.

    Yet…

    Was he able to be redeemed and transformed by the love of God? Absolutely.

    I think, as a whole, believers need to be reflecting a bit more love and grace. We need to help our kids see there are more effective ways to solve their problems…and then MODEL that behavior to them with our lives. Practice what we preach, so to speak.

    I truly believe the biggest enemy to Christ is Christians who praise God with their mouths but deny Him with their lifestlyles.

    I personally find it very frustrating as a parent, raising my children to love God and love people, teaching them that redemptive violence is a lie and it does not work, teaching them the value of human life, having compassion on others and working out their problems non-violently…yet our government is out there dropping bombs and killing people, using an armed military to teach another country it is “wrong” to kill. What a confusing message!! Ya know??

    Anyway, sorry for the book. Didn’t intend to get up on my soapbox today. Thanks for listening, though. This is something I’m very passionate about so I had to share.

    Great conversation!!

    Peace,
    Jamie

    Peace,
    Jamie

  11. Jamie,
    Thanks for the thoughtful response (and the extra dose of peace!). Very well written…

    And you’re right. Reading over everything again I don’t see anything on this site that even hints at justifying his actions. I’m glad we’re on the same page! For the most part, I agree with everything you say and you’ve said it much better than I could have. Wonderful thoughts.

    The one thing I disagree on is the topic of war, but I won’t get into that here 🙂 Join us over on the other discussions!

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