All posts by ariah

Ask The Readers: How Do You Diffuse a Tense Situation?

10675300_aa37cabd63I’ve really been enjoying the dialog in the comment section lately. It’s so cool when someone comes across an old post and adds a thought, and then suddenly others who had previously added their thoughts join in. It reminds me of one of the reason I enjoy writing my thoughts on this blog, it’s the great thoughts and input I receive from you in the comments. That said, I figure it’d be worth starting a little series dedicated to just that, the discussion. And fortunately, it’ll get some questions that have been nagging at me answered (and provide me some needed help).

Today, I’m wondering what you do to diffuse a tense situation. There’s all kinds of tense situations we run into, political or religious tensions with acquantinces, butting heads with a co-worker, dealing with a toddler, resolving conflict with your spouse. I’m wondering how you deal with it, in one or all of those areas. Any stellar, yet rare, advice on how to diffuse tension?

We had a creative idea once for diffusing marital conflict, but neither of us has been very good at inacting it. We decided that if any conversation or argument started escalating, either one of us should break into the Chicken Dance. The other had to join in. How could you possibly be mad after doing an impromptu chicken dance with your spouse?! (patent pending)

How Do You Diffuse a Tense Situation?

Same Great Blog, New Location: TryingToFollow.com

Trying To Follow Now at TryingToFollow.com

(update: If your subscribed via RSS or email, no changes are necessary!)

Well folks, it was finally time to move Trying To Follow the blog to it’s rightful location at TryingToFollow.com. You probably got here by typing in the old url http://blog.iamnotashamed.net, but if you don’t mind taking a minute and bookmarking this new URL, it would be much obliged.

There’s a few obvious reasons for the switch to TryingTofollow.com:

  • It’s easier to remember
  • It’s shorter
  • I’m now more ashamed then I once was

Mainly, I intended to switch the url several years ago, but I had mistakenly locked it into the black hole that is Microsoft Office Live. Turns out it was easier to release then I thought (now that someone created a simple tutorial). But at the time I just couldn’t figure it out and Microsoft was of no help at all.

The old url will stay active for the next year, and the urls should all properly redirect to the correct page, but let’s stay fresh people. If you currently have my site hyperlinked on your blogroll or elsewhere, I’d love if you take a minute to change the URL when you have a chance. And if you haven’t added Trying To Follow yet, why don’t you consider it now?

Alright, sorry for the random housekeeping post. I’ll keep it short so you have the extra time to change your links, bookmarks and blogrolls. Go, do it now!

A Rant: Problems With Prayer

PrayerThis is going to be a thoughtless rant of sorts, so before I launch into it let me preface things first. I used to really enjoy my own personal prayer time (during high school), but in the past several years have had difficulty praying for any sustained amount of time on my own. But, that’s not what this is about. For a while, after that, I found it encouraging to pray in groups. This is not a rant against prayer itself; many from all different faith systems find prayer to be a very important and powerful act in their lives, I in no way want to diminish or belittle that.  But, blame it on my cynicism, or my wrestling with Jesus’ words, but there are some things about the way we choose (“we” because I’ve been guilty of it too) to pray that just annoys me sometimes. I wonder if it’s just my own preference, or if it’s a proper rebuke in line with Jesus’ on the Pharisees*, you’ll have to be the judge of that.

Set-Change Prayers

These are the times where the pastor or music leader asks you to bow your head in prayer while the band gets on or off the stage. If you were at a play or musical they would just fade the lights and make their transition. We like to spiritualize it. The worst is when the pastor is finishing his sermon, we bow to pray, and then toward the end of the prayer, magically, music starts to play. It’s definitely a top notch transition, but I find using prayer for this type of thing seems to diminish it.
A side rant on this is the fact that parents so often insist that their kids be still and silent during prayer times, and yet here we are watching grown adults use prayer time as their cue to get in place.

Performance Prayer

What this looks like is pretty varied, but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Think of anytime you’ve been in a group with your eyes closed but then you look up and peek just to take a look at the person praying. This doesn’t have to be breaking out into song or speaking in tongues necessarily (nor am I saying those things are only a performance), but it is usually some for of performance that gives you the strange feeling they are doing this more for your entertainment then for God’s listening ear.

Lecture Prayer

This is similar to Performance Prayer (maybe a sub-category), but in the form of a lecture or lesson. This is probably the most annoying type of prayer to me and yet one that happens frequently.  Pastors do this a lot, using the prayer before or after their sermon to add to the lesson they’re giving. And we seem to do it a lot in large group settings.  I’d liken it to a student in a classroom, raising their hand to speak with the professor, standing up and, rather then dialogging with the professor, launching into their own speech to their fellow students. It’s not that giving examples or illustrations to others is bad, but when we do it as a “prayer” it diminishes the point of prayer completely. If prayer is supposed to be a conversation with God, then conversations or lectures directed toward others should be left out of it.

The “I’ll pray for you” Prayer

This one actually isn’t a prayer at all. It’s an excuse to not action or it’s simply used as a Christian cliche or facade (something we are supposed to say). This isn’t a new thing, James rebuked this in the Early Church. It’s an oft repeated phrase when church groups go to the soup kitchen or on missions trips, when tangible help is not outside of our means, but outside of our willingness to respond. In the church, it’s fallen to the same sort of apathy, a cliche line we tag on the end of a conversation or a concern someone shares. It lacks relevance and, to me, seems to be one of the areas the church claims divine involvement, but I see very little tangible evidence.

I could be wrong about all this, “I’ll pray about it” and let you know. 😉

[photo credit]

When Personal Life Gets Crazy

As the readership of Trying to Follow has grown, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to figure out the balance or line between what I share here and information I find more personal. I think this is an ongoing struggle of our generation, and all those individuals who are embracing new technologies like blogging, texting, twitter, and more. We want an audience, but when what you write is in the public domain, and a large part of your audience is unknown, it can be difficult to know how or what to keep out of the conversation.

All that to say, I might be taking a temporary break from substantive posting. For that I do apologize. If anyone is interested in writing a guest post let me know.

We are going through some very exciting changes in my family, just not sure how to blog about it. Personal email material maybe…

So, to keep you from disappointment I leave you with this:

https://tryingtofollow.com/wp-content/linkedimages/upload///EfFLvTB7Qjqsuhwc5bcplGVio1_400.jpg

Estimate completion date: 2010

(jk)

YouTubesday: Lost Generation, Don’t Divorce Us, Human Rescue Plan, One Question

(If You are reading this post via email the videos will not show up. If any of the titles are interesting to you please visit the site and view them here, just click on the link above)

Lost Generation (hat tip)

“Don’t Divorce Us.” ht and ht

Human Rescue Plan/Sean Penn (ht)

Fifty People, One Question: London (ht)

Fifty People, One Question: London from Fifty People, One Question on Vimeo.

Economy Straight Talk

money
So, the economy stuff has been on my mind lately. Both the big picture of the effect on our nation, and the local picture as it affects our community, neighbors, family, friends, and us. Often though, what I think about is the church.

I realize I often cast pretty radical and extreme visions for what I think the church and/or ‘Christians’ lives should look like. I’ll be the first to claim hypocrisy in my inability to carry it out at times as well. But, I can’t help but look at the current state of our country and feel like we as a faith community have again missed an extreme opportunity to be a radical “set apart” community that the world couldn’t help but recognize.  Instead, our churches are facing the same economic slump as everyone else. For all our “Christian” financial planning and preaching, we, on a whole, have been living beyond our means and far beyond our basic needs, just like everyone else.

I also find it ironic when Christians choose to speak about on the political front. I received no emails of concern or outrage when the government threw together a 1 Trillion dollar bailout in October, but now I’m getting emails left and right. I see two possibilities: 1) after seeing the first ones dollars disappear in thin air we are a bit more skeptical, or 2) it has something to do with the political party of the current administration. Who knows, I just find it ironic when we choose to jump into the political ring. On that related note, I was extremely convicted when I came across my xanga post after the 2004 election (sorry, you’ll have to dig up the link yourself), let’s just say I was as shocked as some of my conservative friends in ’08.

Seeing and hearing about people around me lossing jobs, others being let go, foreclosures and the rest, I can’t help but wonder what is the churches response. Or, what is my response? We are pretty secure in our job and home position, so how do I live out my faith and convictions in these times? What role do I play? I think I have the same tendency as everyone to start stockpiling for safety and thinking only about me and mine. But, I think our faith challenges us to live differently, but I’m not sure myself what that looks like.

Any Ideas?

Trying To Follow, The Book?

I wanted to do NaNoWriMo again last year, but just didn’t have the time. Then, Createspace had a free Pro Plan deal going on and so I registered a book name, but I don’t have any material. Basically, what I’m saying is I’ve got a book-writing itch (or at least compiling). Yeah, crazy or a waste of time, but something to keep my mind occupied, so humor me.

I’d like to compile the best posts from the blog that I’ve written over the years. Something simple, concise, and covering a wide range of topics. Maybe something you long time readers would be interested in purchasing to pass along to your non-blog reading friends. Who knows.

I’d like to rework some of my previous posts and re-post them for additional feedback and thoughts. I’d also love to incorporate good comments into a final print form some how. If you’ve ever seen a good example of incorporating comments into a book I’d love to hear about it.

I was thinking something under 100 pages, which I could list on Amazon for less then $4 (plus shipping)

So, that’s all. I’m working on compiling what I think have been print worthy posts over the past couple years. If you have any suggestions of ones you’d like to see let me know. And if your interested in purchasing a copy when I’m done let me know that too.

YouTubesday: Katrina Race War and CEO Sponsorship

(If You are reading this post via email the videos will not show up. If any of the titles are interesting to you please visit the site and view them here, just click on the link above)

“In this Nation Institute/Hidden Driver exclusive, reporter A.C. Thompson talks with innocent victims and ruthless vigilantes about his expose on shootings of black New Orleans residents fleeing the city in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, and police misconduct after the storm. The full story is at thenation.com” (10 mins)

A humor piece. “The money you give won’t just save a life, it’ll save a lifestyle”

PSA: Back Up Your Hard Drive

This is a Public Service Announcement. Back Up your Computer Hard Drive!

harddriveIn the last month we managed to fry two hard drives on my wife’s macbook. The first one lasted a year and a half and suddenly stopped working and after getting it replaced (fortunately under warranty) the replacement fizzled out just a month later (right after we’d reconfigured everything the way we liked it). Fortunately, neither of us are in school anymore and so nothing immediately essential was lost. I’ve also backed up our music files recently enough that we didn’t lose much, expect for a years worth of Photobooth photos, which is quite sad. The moral of the story is back up your hard drive. Here’s a few more stories to solidify the point.

My laptop fizzled out in November, I had the good fortune of being able to pull out the functional hard drive, but it was a close call for a lot of photos of my beautiful one year old. Some friends of ours had their laptop stolen which did have the only copies of almost all the photos of their one year old on it. That’s a lot of memories just gone. Another friend, a Phd student writing her disertation, had her laptops hard drive crash on her. Hopefully an expensive recovery service will be able to get her data back. The lesson: Back up your data.

We use computers and digital media for everything these days, primarily things we value highly like photos and documents and things of high value (like music). Having some close calls with our own data and hearing some horror stories from others reminded me to get on the Backup Bandwagon. I’ll let you know what I’m doing and I’d encourage you to do something similar. Below are the steps I’ve taken to keep things in working, backed up and syncronized order.

  1. I’ve backed up our music and photos on DVD. This is mostly our older photos and music. With the amount of photos we take and the file sizes these days this isn’t a very feasible option to stay on top of, but it is a good idea.
  2. I purchased a flickr.com account. There are a lot of benefits to remote storage. It’s online which means it can’t be stolen or destroyed (in a system crash or house fire or something). And I don’t have to pay to power another drive to keep my photos continual synced there. This might seem minor, but the reality is that keeping your hard drive plugged and on probably cost about $2 a month in electricity anyways. Flickr is $24.95 a year for unlimited storage. For now, it seems like a pretty good deal. (Some say you shouldn’t trust online sites either, but Flickr, owned by Yahoo, seems a pretty safe bet. Just don’t trust them with your only copies of photos). There also seems to be some other free backup options I didn’t see before listed here.
  3. I’m remotely syncing my recent files to my FTP server. Again, this might be overkill for some of you, but if your a student or use your computer for daily business it’s worth considering. I have webspace so this isn’t an additional cost for me. And I use SyncBack to automate the process so I never have to think about it. For an option to sync your documents with google docs try this. I’ve also used Live Sync to sync between computers or just online.
  4. I bought a 500gb external Hard Drive. As we continually add more and more photos and data to our computer we are going to need a lot more space. Hard Drives are pretty cheap these days, and allow you to have instant access to all your files, and back up everything quickly (as opposed to DVD’s or web). I’d recommend you buy one and back up everything at least monthly (if not weekly). You can use SyncBack to set up an automated backup or Sync so you can leave it plugged in and not think about it, or just put it on your calendar. You can find good prices on Hard Drives here.

Anyways, that’s my advice. I advocate for penny-pinching free ways to get by a lot, but this is one area I think is probably worth spending a few bucks to make sure you never have to weep over lost memories or term papers. If you have any tips, include them in the comments.