Category Archives: Being Dad

Thoughts on life as a parent (that just sounds weird)

Idea: Princesses do Sh#% Coloring Book

Click the image for proof of Princesses archetype

Here’s my idea, and I need your feedback. It’s hard to find a little girl that doesn’t think affectionately of the disney princesses and want to be one. The main problem with that, is that princesses don’t really do anything except look pretty and fall in love.

So, my idea is to create a coloring book with disney princess look-a-likes actually doing stuff. Research shows that as kids are exposed to media characters, they have a hard time breaking those characters out of the storyline they’ve seen (Bob only builds, Princesses don’t). A coloring book with those actual characters doing other things will be proof that those characters do other things (at least that’s my hope).

Now I just need to decide what they do. Here are some ideas, let me know which ones you like the most or if you have other suggestions for activities or which Princesses should do what. (I’ll probably only do 10)

Jasmine leading a protest

Belle as an architect doing math on a chalkboard for an addition to the castle

Ariel in mermaid form with hammer building a dock

Tiana rock climbing

Snow White coaching a football team

Cinderella bench pressing

Pocahontas as President

A Prince cooking and cleaning

Mulan doing surgery

The obvious goal is to break gender roles and provide examples to young girls who are already enthralled with these princesses as role models, to see them modeling the vast possibilities of careers and pursuits that we want our young girls to know they can pursue.

Thoughts?

P.S. I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, but I know you still love me :)

Let’s Talk about Spanking

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I have two young kids, almost 4 and 5 years old now, that I spend most of my day with. And though they are wonderful kids, parenting has it’s share of ups and downs, particularly when it comes to discipline. Last week was one of those that I stopped to reflect at the end of the week and realized that we were having some ongoing discipline issues and it was probably time to step back and restrategize the approach. And, as I was thinking that I tossed out a comment on Facebook about it. Several people offered their condolences and then the topic of spanking came up.

I figured my facebook page might not be the best space for that conversation, but decided I might as well bringing it up here on the blog. I’ll keep my comments in the post brief, but hope we can continue the conversation view the comment thread that follows. Here is my very quick stance and a few lingering questions.

I do not spank and do not believe it is an effective or healthy discipline method. That being said, I have amazing friends who I respect deeply as parents who choose to spank and their kids are well behaved and all-together healthy individuals, and I don’t think any less of them for their chosen parenting methods. Here are just a few questions I have with the idea of spanking.

It is almost always said, when someone approves of spanking that, “if not done in anger” spanking is a good positive thing. And I guess I’d just ask how a parent who spanks manages to do that? I give my kids timeouts in anger, I can’t imagine regularly choosing to spank my kid and not frequently struggling to not do it in anger. I guess I wouldn’t want to risk crossing that line. How do you manage to never spank “in anger”?
Most people who I know who spank point to a biblical backing for it, mainly the verse referring to “the rod”. An accurate interpretation of that seems to imply not spanking with your hand or a wooden spoon, but an actual rod. That seems like something far more intense then “spanking.” If that’s your basis for it, do you also approve of using a rod or switch or paddle or something of that sort to enact discipline? And how do you choose to draw the line between what is appropriate and what isn’t?

Okay, discuss.

Husbands Love Your Wives as Christ Loved

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Dear Men,

Does your wife work outside of the home? It’s your duty to help clean and cook, tend to the children and manage the needs of the household along side her.

Does your wife stay at home with the kids? It’s your duty to help clean and cook, tend to the children and manage the needs of the household along side her.

Times are a changing, but there are still plenty of guys that need to hear the message, and I fear, especially in the church. “Husbands, Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” And that is no small task. Regardless of your theological views of men and women, if you believe the verse above is applicable today and you commit to trying to follow it and demand that other men do as well, the world would be a much better place. The rest of the verse says “and gave himself up for her.” How do we begin to carry that out?

It means truly listening to your wifes hopes and dreams, be they for family or career or otherwise, and supporting and encouraging her to pursue those things.

It means relinquishing societal expectations of household cooking and cleaning (that everything is the wife’s responsibility), and sitting down and learning from her what areas you can help with. Even if that means learning to cook more or how to do laundry.

It means being clear that being paid or not is not the standard of worth we use to measure the value of how one spends their time. That the ‘unpaid’ work of caring for the kids or cleaning the house is just as valuable as bringing home a paycheck.

It means men compromising on their career aspirations, not just women, so that a healthy balance between work and home and family can be struck.

It means changing diapers, doing laundry, waking up for midnight feedings, and making sure your wife has as much kid-free time as she needs.

It means explicitly countering the negative body image messages women are faced with every day, by turning off the tv or movie, telling your wife she is beautiful.

It means all of this and so much more. And if you need further examples, read the gospels and watch as Jesus tirelessly serves, loves, and does not judge. Christ gave everything in his love for the church. Men, you should give everything, in your love for your wife.

Birthday Book Giveaway

Clean Water for Elirose

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Four years ago, when we were expecting our daughter, I knew I was about to begin a major shift in my priorities. It would still be a high priority to live out my faith and values, but above all else, the top priority is now to lovingly raise my children and instill those values that are so central to my life in theirs as well. In addition to simply loving my kids, I wanted to help them to see the world the way I had grown to see it. A large community where we are all intertwined and where our decisions impact others.

My kids are 4 and 3 now and, as concrete thinkers, reading books with them is one of the most tangible ways to expand their world, next to actually experiencing things in real life. My journey to find children’s picture books that discussed topics like poverty and homelessness, clean drinking water and lack of education, was fruitful, but sparse. It was a genre with books few and far between. And so, I set out to write my own.

Read the book Online

Clean Water for Elirose is a children’s picture book about what kids drink and how four young kids make a difference in fifth child’s life, Elirose. My goal with writing the book is two-fold.

To provide parents with a meaningful way to discuss a global social issue with their young children.
To use the book as a tool itself for fundraising for clean drinking water.

My hope is that it reaches those goals, if even on a small scale. If your interested in ordering a copy you can do that here. Anyone is free to buy a “teachers copy” for $5, which is the same book, but doesn’t cover the total costs ($3.65 per copy of the book, ~$2.10 for shipping plus envelope). Or, you can order a $15 copy and about $10 if your purchase will go directly to supporting a clean water well project (currently with Charity:Water).

I’d love your help getting the word out if your willing. Review the book on your blog, ask your local parenting mag or paper to write a review, purchase a copy for your library, tell your friends or use it as a fundraiser for your next missions trip. Oh, and let me know what you think with a comment below.

Who’s That Yellow Bird? Published in Geez

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Sesame Place by stev.ie Each week I walk my two toddlers down the hall at the Children’s hospital, past a large statue of an over-stuffed yellow bird and up an elevator to our appointment. Sometimes they point out the “big birdie,” other times they don’t, it’s no more attractive to them than the nearby painting of a moose or the cars they see through the windows of the skyway.
What they don’t know yet is that the big bird is, in fact, Big Bird. And though I’m sure someone will soon point it out to them (they’ve already learned who Elmo is), I’m in no rush to have Big Bird or any other media industry creations become my childrens’ branded pals.
What’s wrong with Sesame Street’s Big Bird? The show is certainly not as overtly problematic as Power Rangers or Barbie and the characters themselves don’t bother me particularly much. It’s all the other places they manage to show up that troubles me.
Grover is selling my kids diapers, Oscar is peddling fruit snacks, Big Bird is pimping shoes and Snuffleupagus . . . don’t get me started on Snuffleupagus. Licensing characters is a multi-billion dollar industry and although Sesame Street is not the worst offender, they milked Elmo for all they could when he became a smash hit in 1996 as a “tickle me” plush toy. Sesame Street is still a non-profit with support from the government and “viewers like you,” but 68 percent of it’s revenue comes from licensing.
An estimated $15 billion dollars is spent each year marketing to children under the age of 18 in the United States. That’s roughly $200 per child.
Using Elmo to sell my kid juice boxes isn’t the same as marketing to adults. Young children don’t understand the dynamics of persuasion. They don’t understand that the smiling kids on the commercial are paid actors following an elaborate script with the sole purpose of making little viewers want a product. They don’t understand that when their favourite character is munching on junk food that it’s a deceptive scheme, not an honest opinion. Kids think they’re watching Saturday morning cartoons, but to marketing execs the shows are “Program Length Commercials.”
Like most kids, I too grew up on these Saturday morning infomercials – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, He-Man and Strawberry Shortcake. Though I turned out okay, as they say, I think I would have been better off with out them. I would have been less demanding of my parents and wouldn’t have spent the better part of my childhood being sold to. I don’t want my children to be victims of the deception

So when we pass the big yellow bird at the Children’s hospital next week, we might say hello but he’s not going to get any special treatment.

(This article was published in the summer issue of Geez Magazine, a rough draft had previously been posted on this site, but I realized I had not posted the final version for your viewing pleasure. Hope you enjoyed.)

You Wouldn’t Believe What I almost Ate

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It was a typical afternoon with the kiddos yesterday. I was scrambling to make dinner and clean the house while catering to their every need. Adyra wanted a piece of bread, which promptly meant Bret wanted one too. He remembered our PB&J from lunch and requested it again, which Adyra in turn requested as well. So, I’m smearing the Peanut Butter (creamy, sorry mom & dad), when Adyra comes over, arm outstretched, a little whiny.

Ironically, my children are a bit of clean freaks. Adyra’s never really liked finger painting or anything else that gets your hands icky, like getting peanut butter on them. Occasionally, when they are eating, they’ll stick their grubby hand out and I’ll wipe or grab and sometimes eat the yogurt or kiwi or food in question. So, when she sticks out her fingers yesterday, I naturally lean down to wipe them off, seeing the brown peanut butter substance. I’m getting ready to just lick it off my fingers when in a split second a smell hits my nostrils and I realize, Adyra’s Peanut Butter sandwich is still on the counter.

I almost ate my daughter’s poo! Now that’s disgusting. Apparently, and this is a first for her, she decided to stick her hand in the back of her diaper and check out the results. Why she neglected to tell me that when she innocently stuck them out there is beyond me, but fortunately that creamy nutty-colored poop stunk like the dickens, otherwise this story would have had a much worse ending.

Slowing Down

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As you might have noticed, I’ve been posting a lot less on this blog in the last month or so. This is partially due to reasons I mentioned last week, and also partially due to my own efforts to slow down a little bit. I’ve said in the past that the main reason I tend to blog as much as I do is that I often have a great many things bouncing around in my head and writing has been therapeutic for me, blogging in turn has allowed me to get feedback on those thoughts as well. This is all still quite true, but I’ve also started questioning the value of letting my mind wander down so many rabbit trails at once. In some ways, I think it’s just part of who I am, and at other times I think I’d be much more productive or just ‘present’ if I could focus my thoughts and energy on one thing or project at a time, rather then several.

I’m not sure what that will mean for the dynamics of this blog, nor even myself really, but I’d like to make an effort at it. I think I hit information overload at some point and just felt the need to start ignoring or taking a break from things. And much of this is internet driven, it’s a thousand times easier to jump from thing to thing online then while reading a book on the couch or sitting with your kids on the playground. I’m just figuring these things out myself.

How about you?

Trying to follow

Thoughts on the Journey